Liar, liar, pants on fire.

The lies we tell ourselves!

Today I am calling us out on this particular BS.

There are 2 ways that seem to be our firm favourite lies we tell in order not to grow. (1) The problem is too big, too complex, (2) the conditions must be just right.

They are both lies, damn lies.


When I was working for a Strategic Marketing Consultancy, organisations would pay us a lot of money to come up with solutions for their problems, and we would. You’d think that would make for happy clients, but it didn’t. Most of the people who hired us didn’t actually want to change. They wanted to be told that their problems are insurmountable, or for us to give them solutions that were so complex, convoluted and expensive that the only conclusion a reasonable person could draw was that the problem was better than the solution. In short, what many many people want, is permission to remain exactly as they are.

This does not only apply to work. It is exactly the same, if not worse for personal lives. Probably worse because in your personal lives, there is no boss other than yourself who will be conducting a quarterly performance review.

One of the favourite ways that the people who seek my assistance keep themselves busy doing nothing is by convincing themselves that their fabulous, fulfilling lives are on the other side of  a particular issue – their life purpose, self esteem, or daddy issues, for instance. They come to me and present this huge problem they have, and if I can help, and most of the time I can, I say so. It is at that moment that you see, not joy or relief on their faces but a flash of panic. These people do not want clarity on their life purpose, they want me to tell them that I can’t help with that, so they can say; “I tried”.

They don’t want to transcend their self-esteem problem or heal their daddy issues, they want to hear that their problem is too complex, so they can say “there is nothing I can do about it.”

Are you one of those people?

Do you lie about what you are honestly doing to improve your life?

The other popular way that we deceive ourselves in to pretending that we are doing something, while we do nothing is wait for perfect conditions. “I am going to start my diet, but it will have to be the first Monday of the month during the full moon. In the mean time, while I wait for that I will carry on doing what I have been doing. Thank God I don’t have to feel bad about it, because you know, I am waiting for that Monday.”

The problem is that life is about growth and transformation. You can’t cheat the system. If you don’t get around to doing it proactively the universe eventually throws conditions at you where the only way out is grow through the problem.

You can either happen to growth and healing, or have it happen to you. Personally I find the former a lot less eina.

Awareness is half the job done. Do some introspection and check if you are guilty of these two harmful lies.

Please leave a comment and let me know if you have been guilty of these or other lies.

0 thoughts on “Liar, liar, pants on fire.”

  1. Ya neh. This is so true. Change is hard Batho. I tell myself again and again that I’m going to stick to a strict writing schedule, but find myself getting swayed off and doing anything, but the writing. Working on it!!

  2. I must say my weakest problem is taking action. I am aware of the problems and I know I need to change but I end up not getting to action. Sometimes I start with enthusiasm but lose the energy along the way. And I always have excuses of why I couldn’t do it and I have a “justifiable” reason why I couldn’t do it. Am guilty

    1. I think it may be a mismatch between your goals and your values (what matters to you). You should consider attending the Goals and Manifestation workshop if you are not far from Midrand, otherwise get the Goal setting workbook, it is ALL about setting goals that inspire action and identifying the traps that are likely to sabotage your attempts.

    1. Is it important that you write the book or just that you tell the story. You can have someone write the story you tell. You can write it and refine it with the help of a good editor…endless possibilities.

      1. I thought about that. I think to tell the story. And the reason I feel I SHOULD write the book is to give more credibility..But I love writing for blog posts…books are too long for me. Thanks Kagiso

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