The Bodyguard

So Heidi Klum appears to be yet another woman who has fallen for her bodyguard, or as her ex, Seal puts it “decided to fornicate with the help”. She is in good company. Being married didn’t stop Princess Diana or even one of our very own Mrs. Zuma from having affairs with their bodyguards. Princess Ragnhild of Norway, the first Nowergian royalty to marry a commoner, married her bodyguard. American popstar Anastacia also married her bodyguard. A whole host of celebrities have had affairs with their bodyguards. It appears that a guy doesn’t have to be a sports star, royalty, rock star, billionaire, or a movie star to get with hot, fabulous and prominent women; just like Kevin Costner swept Whitney Houston off her rich and famous feet in the Bodyguard, there’s another profession that can up a guy’s chances of landing an alpha female.

In romantic relationships, one of the things women crave the most is to feel safe. Women want men who won’t hurt them (emotional safety), but we also want men who will ensure that we don’t get hurt (physical and material safety). That’s why the guys on the football team score more often than the ones in the chess club. In the mating game, tall and toned beats short and soft, figuratively and literally.  If a slimy guy grabs your ass in the club you don’t expect your man to talk it out with him, you want him to punch the jerk’s lights out.

I have a friend (coughs) who, when we were younger and more frivolous had a saying that “if you can fit into my pants you can’t get into my pants”. I don’t, I mean, she doesn’t find guys who are smaller than her particularly attractive. I’ve had a chat about this with various women, as we women are wont to do, and while one woman’s friend zone is another’s booty call we all agree that feeling protected is a huge turn on. We may associate different things with safety, – for some a guy who keeps you safe by keeping the bank manager happy is more attractive than one who can beat the bank manager to a pulp, but we feel most feminine and sexually energized in the presence of men who make us feel protected. The ideal man protects and provides, which makes us feel safe and loved.

Now, a bodyguard’s job is to lay his life on the line for yours (must be love), while looking intimidating, in a dark suit, sunglasses, that fancy ear piece thingy and a big gun (because a guy who will kill for you is far more useful than one who will die for you).

Heidi, I understand.

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