Where Does Your Value Lie?

The second episode of Mokapelo I shot was with Simnikiwe. She had put herself under immense pressure relationship-wise because she (1) wanted to get married by 30 (she’s 26) and, (2) the next guy she went out with HAD to be the one. This was because Sim’s plans had been scuppered by life. She had intended to marry the only guy she’d had sex with, alas it didn’t work out like that. The guy broke up with her, now there she was with no virginity and no man. She couldn’t revirginate (yes I just made up a word, stay with me), but what she could do was “keep her mileage low” by marrying the next person she sleeps with/only sleep with the next person she marries. I found the mileage analogy very unfortunate, but she is the one who used it. I had never had cause to liken a woman to a used car before, again her words.

We took Sim to a Vintage Car show for her to see very beautiful, very valued and valuable cars with mileage for days!
We took Sim to a Vintage Car show for her to see very beautiful, very valued and valuable cars with mileage for days!

This “loss” of virginity had devalued her, she believed. So I forced her to apply her mind to the concept of value, and hers in particular.

How much value resides in your virginity?


What makes you valuable?

Were you born with any inherent value?

How and what has appreciated your value since?

How and what has depreciated your value since?

Are you in a position to increase your value?

Do you value yourself, how do you know?

Here is Simnikiwe’s account of the experience:

My experience on Mokapelo was great and soooooo scary. I loved it nonetheless. I will focus more on my experience with “the cheerleader of women”. I have been under a rock and didn’t know of Kagiso. My first encounter with her was when she came to my “place” to shoot for Mokapelo, she seemed so nonchalant when we first met that I thought her makeup artist was the one I would be talking to.

Anyway we sat and spoke and till this day I like her for not “shrinking” me. Basically my story WAS that, I wanted to be married by 30 but in wanting this I explained that I didn’t want to have a lot of sexual encounters to get there (marriage), the next guy I date I must get married because it seemed right and perfect in my head. I told Kagiso about what had happened in my past relationship and how it ended. She practically laughed at me for being dumped. [I don’t recall laughing at Sim for being dumped. That’s mean. Sorry, lady] It’s always “better” to do the dumping right? So I “understood” the laughing. I was then left mind blown by what she made me see in myself. Initially I thought she is going to sympathize with me about being dumped and shrink the heck out of me and to my surprise I was the one that was telling her about how valuable I am, married by 30 or not getting married at all, I still can’t explain how “changed I am”

When Kagiso asked me to write a post about my experience, I agreed pronto only because till this day I still feel as valuable and loveable as that day she helped me discover that. To be honest it got to me that my first boyfriend dumped me because in these scenarios girls dump guys first. After my session with her i didn’t give a rats ass about that. I was more intrigued by me seeing that i am VALUE. I wept like a baby after they left but it was more an introduction to myself kind of crying unlike the first cry I had during the session. I don’t know how I cannot share something like that pronto. It’s one of those things that I feel like they can’t be bottled because they bring so much light around us. My other issue was that I hated the fact that I had soul ties with my ex, Kagiso connected me with a wonderful lady who helped me remove those ties, another indescribable moment. I’m still screwed up in other areas of my life but now I don’t numb the pain I tackle it. I’m not done with Kagiso yet. Hehehe

In conclusion I don’t feel like my life will be ruined if I don’t get married. I am loving me SO MUCH. I am enough, I am such a GODDESS 🙂 with soul ties or not.

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